Skip to main content

Fatherhood...And Writing

Fatherhood is not an accident of nature. I had once posited on my Facebook page and many friends seconded that opinion. You do not become a father by having a progeny. It slowly dawns over you as you struggle to understand what all it entails. 

You rush to the airport as the flight is about to close, and your five year old wanders like a little rabbit from the bedroom, eyes still closed and you forget the work, forget the flight. You walk to her and kneel down on your knees and kiss her on the still-closed, sleepy eyes with the sacred dedication of a worshipper. You start to understand fatherhood at such moments. It is not a truth like Newton's apple which falls at some recognizable moment on your head. You learn it slowly. It is a series of moments when you do things which never imagined yourself to be able to do. 
I remember the cold chill which ran through my spine when my seven-month pregnant wife tripped while getting down from the car. I almost wept but there was something which wanted me to keep a brave face as you handed over orange juice to my worried wife and waited for the child in the womb to kick and announce her well-being. That was fatherhood. 

I remember, climbing down the stairs with my six month old baby with perfect head full of still amazingly soft fur of hairs on her head and slipping. I still do not know how I could ensure that I slipped on the back and take the entire impact on the spine with the baby perfectly cocooned in my arms. I still think of that fall. Wasn't a perfectly humane response to such a fall would have been to turn and bring arms forth to resist the fall? But I couldn't bring the arms forth. That was fatherhood. 

I took to writing after she came in. Well, not entirely true. But I did get my first collection of essays published after She came in. I wanted some way to leave behind my thoughts for her. It was something of an inheritance that I decided, I wanted to create for her. I then published a collection of poems, set up this blog and even, on occasion started telling some people that I was a writer as an answer to the question of ,"what do you do?" albeit with some sort of embarrassment. Some friends, out of kindness, appreciated what I wrote, not knowing what beast they were unleashing in the process, exposing themselves a lifetime exposure to bad prose and silly poetry. I found a great reflection of my feelings when I read the interview of Nicholson Baker, where he wrote that,"when you get a child, you get a surge of emotion, or you get a surge of hormonal urgency, to get something done, something worthy of your new station in life." So I wrote with a sense of urgency. 

I wrote on several things, between sluggish sales quarters and I wrote on many things. I began a novel which is WIP for last three years. I blog on lot many things. In blogs, I have reached out to lot many people. I went through great advise on how the blogs ought to be focussed on one particular theme. I could not find a theme as I would write as my mind would wander. I wrote a lot about parenting and fatherhood as my child occupied most of my thought. Even the novel that I am trying to write is intending to tell a story to my child. I do not know if I will write another one after this, and I do not know if she will be a part of it. I still do have a feeling that if I end up writing more, she may become Charles Marlow to my stories, just as eternal narrator for Joseph Conrad. 
My writings have been written in some way or other by fatherhood. It was a result of my search as a father to find what best I can possibly become and making efforts towards it. That is one essential ingredient of fatherhood. It makes a man try to be better then he has ever been. Why this particular post comes at this time is because I met a college friend last week which in itself a satisfying and happy thing to happen. What made the happiness extend beyond the ordinary joy was that she spoke of my writing. Even further, she said that she enjoyed my posts on parenting as they seemed to have been written from a mother's perspective. Now, that was new and I was initially taken aback. But once I let it sink in and thought of it, that could be the best complement I could have got. A great father is nothing but a man trying to become an average mother. Parenting comes naturally to mothers, men have to work towards it. I had multiple thoughts to write about this week, but then I decided to bask in this sudden kindness which a friend decided to throw my way. I do hope you find a ring of truth in this post and be happy for me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

दो जोड़ी नन्ही आँखें

अनदेखे ख़्वाबों की दो जोड़ी नन्हीआँखें, जिन्होंने स्वप्न देखने की आयु से पूर्व दु:स्वप्न देख आँखें मूँद लीं। जो क़दम अभी चलना ही सीखे थे, लड़खड़ा कर थम गए। बचपन के घुटने पर लगी हर खरोंच, व्यस्कों के गाल पर एक तमाचा है। धर्म के आडंबरों से अछूता बाल मन जो मंदिरों और मस्जिदों को अपनी आत्मा में रखता था, धर्म की दरारों पर अपना नन्हा शव छोड़ निकल पड़ा। कहीं दूर,दग्ध शरीर के ताप से दूर, जब यह अकलुषित हृदय पहुँचा तो एक और निष्पाप दूधिया आत्मा दिखी, जिसकी पलकों के कोरों में उसकी आँखों के जैसे ही अविश्वास से सहमा हुआ अश्रु रूका था। एक दूसरे के गले लग कर दोनों बाल मन दरिया के टूटे बाँध की तरह बह निकले। घाव बाँटे, एक दूसरे के हृदय में चुभी धरती की किरचें निकाली और न देखे हुए स्वप्नों का श्राद्ध रचा। उसने थमती हिचकियों में अपना नाम बताया - ‘आसिफा’। और दुख के साथी की ठोड़ी थाम कर कहा - ‘मत रो, न्याय होगा।’ धरती की तरफ़ नन्ही गुलाबी उँगली दिखा कर कहा- “देख, भले लोग लड़ रहे है मेरे लिए, न्याय होगा। तेरे लिये भी लड़ रहे होंगे। तू मत रो” फिर बोली, “मैं पश्चिम से हूँ, तू पूरब से, पर हैं

Analyzing the Analysts- Failed Attempts to Understanding the Modi Magic

  " When a writer tries to explain too much, he is out of time before he begins. " wrote Isaac Bashevis Singer, 1978 Nobel Winning writer. As year wraps to an end and Bengal Elections are around the corner, Analysts are jumping over one another to analyze the way politics panned out over this Pandemic-ridden unfortunate and sad year.  When you go through most of the analysis, you find them dipping into the froth floating at the top. They often develop the hypothesis first then try to fit the data. This gap between interpretation and data leads to their conclusions mostly turning way off the mark. The most common and prevalent hypothesis that is being currently floated is that those who support Narendra Modi are some sort of fanatic army, which has no reason to support him and which are loyal to him in the most retrograde terms. For that very reason, Narendra Modi, in return, cares only about those who voted for him and no one else. While there is no proof of Narendra Modi app

That Evil Ignorance- Rahul Gandhi and his Everyday Questions

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt, American President 1901-1909 Rahul Gandhi  has again asked as question as to why the Soldiers martyred in the cowardly attack of the Chinese in the Galwan Valley did not carry weapons (ignoring that the treaty si