The weather is still full of caprices and undecided on which way to go. The Sun is still brutal and unyielding, clouds are inconclusive. Such weather is perfect for brooding and pessimism. A weather like that diminishes the good, happy feeling and pronounces the pain which is consistent with sad, humid contours of a rainless day.
It has been three years for a health-check which ought to have been annual. In the middle of this overwhelming, at times, unreasonably annoying days, I sat thinking couple of days back. I thought of my now near-regular 5-miles run, irregular diet and my general health, or rather not knowing the real state of it.
For some reason, my mind kept on pulling to the absurd optimism in an impossible immortality and to the fact, that I could be dying in the middle of the unreasonable hope. I knew, a detailed peek into the functioning of my body was well needed, as I also knew, I waited stupidly for someone to drag me out of my slothful stupor to a hospital. Suddenly a eureka moment last week hit me.
It is your life, you are the owner of this vessel, the master and the commander. Dying is a very lonely business, and to believe otherwise is nothing but naïveté. You might try to fool yourself by an imaginary deathbed surrounded by the relatives and friends. But nothing changes the fact that the journey further on is going to be solitary, if it all there is a journey beyond. It is often very hard to believe that this entire life, the struggle of existence is nothing but a walk to nothingness. We are there till a moment and then we are no more. A strange, quite discomforting fact, but could be the most true, nonetheless, truer than life.
Even if life were an unending eternal journey, the time in world nothing more than a blemish on the azure, infinite sky that is time. The companionship, the relations all end in a futile failure. We need to own up life. We need to take it in our own unsteady hands as soon as we can have enough courage and strength to bear it.
Well, this is the first health checkup done alone. Liberating, irrespective of the results. Results, well that is another story, merely tell, that you cannot outrun a bad diet. So food next on agenda after running. Take charge and make changes.